Of Chain Mails, Viruses and Sorry We’re Late Vouchers
Some things just make this world a shitty place.
First are chain mails. During the Jurassic days, I remember receiving a chain mail containing a novena to the Virgin Mary. I asked my Ma what should I do with it. She said I have to send it to 11 people or else something unfortunate would happen to me or my loved ones. Afraid of the consequences, I photocopied 11 copies, but ended up sending it to less than five people. The most tragic thing that happened to me was the appearance of three big pimples on my face. I could imagine the letter envelopes, papers, ink, stamps and saliva which were wasted during those times. I have the a theory that this chain mail was a scheme by an association of paper companies to sell more of their products.
What the hell is the matter with the authors of these chain mails? If they were certified voodoo priests or witches, then we should give a damn. But these freaks are mere egocentric, graphomanic and attention-malnourished beings who infuse false hopes and irrational fears on moronic people like me! Yes, I’m one of the victims of undue threats on my social, religious and sex life.
For Christ’s sake, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love Jesus if I don’t send the mail to at least 10 persons. Jesus wouldn’t want His teachings to be spread thru fear and compulsion. This I know by heart, despite not being a devout catholic. The forsaken f*ckers who make the pseudo-religious chain mails, aaaahhh they don’t understand the essence of their faith. I pray for their salvation.
And my sex life would be doomed if I fail to forward to 7 people? I won’t get laid by sending spam to another 7 idiots; neither will I increase my chances of dirtying my sheets if I send to 3,000 people! Goodness me, you don’t simply push a woman’s right buttons by the click of a mouse. You pathetic nerd!
From this moment, i wouldn’t be coerced into forwarding another chain mail unless it’s for society’s well being, or it’s for someone who terribly needs help, or it has Scarlet Johansson’s nude pics. Niceeee…
