The Unbearable Lightness of Being Shitty

Plop! This is the sound of a thought, from its fragmented, crude and amorphous state, as it transforms and drops into the swampy world of ideas. 

Yes! This is my shit, beings of the animal kingdom (yes, it includes your dog and cat) and other intelligent life forms outside this planet. 

From the dark,winding and murky tunnels of my brain (and intestines), this shit is moulded.  Its conception may not be immaculate, but it is divinely inspired(?). Thus, I humbly implore you to relax and sit comfortably, as you partake in my ritual of "plopping".  From the annals (no pun intended) of my receding memory or the innards of my myopic foresight, be shocked and be awed by my bowel movements!

Let me commence the plopping by telling you about the new phrase I’ve learned or which I’ve coined accidentally (as far as Google, Yahoo and I know).

It is my second spicy week here in the land of tequila, tacos and burritos, doing an audit of branch accounts.  It is my third or fourth time in two weeks to hear the words "Eres tu, eres tu…" in a song’s refrain.  I don’t know whehter I’ve heard the same song, but what stuck to my mind were these interesting words. (Maybe because it sounded like eros, hehehe).  I checked the English translation and I found out that it means: "You are (you)".  Suddenly, I felt my bowels having a movement and then eureka!      

A week ago, while on the way to the Aztec pyramids, my Mexican colleague taught me the Spanish equivalent of "shit", which is "mierda".  So I applied this fantastic word with the new phrase I’ve just learned. And Io and behold! I’ve invented a phrase which I suppose is as striking as Descartes’ "Cogito, ergo sum":

                                                   Eres tu mierda

You are your shit.  How down to earth yet beautiful! The logical soundness(!) of this wonderful phrase may be colloborated by this equation (ok, bring out your scientific calculators): If "you are what you eat" and whatever you eat, you shit, then it follows that "you are what you shit"! Henceforth, if "you are what you shit", then "you are your shit"! The logic is unassailable. I rest my case, your honor.

Seriously speaking, despite the vulgar and horrid sound of this phrase, it loosely applies to our everyday life. In the office, at home, in a restaurant, in a bar, in bed, in the highway or even in the confines of our comfortrooms.  Slack-off in the office or backstab your officemates; lazily leave the leftover foods in your rubbish bin or kitchen sink for more than a week, or continually ignore your children and wife; be rude to the waiter or eat with ghastly slurping sounds; never stop staring at a woman’s boobies; consistently treat your partner as a sex object; overspeed even if it’s unnecessary or rudely overtake other vehicles; and be delinquent in paying the waterbill, calling the plumber or buying rolls of toilet paper.  You get the shit which you deserve, and it is you, yourself, who authors your life’s shits. And how about the shit which you get but don’t deserve? Well, this is it—and you probably can’t do something about it! So just take it and accept it.

This is too much shit for the day; you can flush it down.  Hope your drain works.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 at 4:41 pm and is filed under From the Annals of the Talking Toilet. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.